So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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