I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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