that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
