I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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