it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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