you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
