I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
