forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
