fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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