Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
