Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
