So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
