So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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