So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dick very happy bro
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
