I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
