i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
