my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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