do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
