just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
