I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
