I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
