Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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