I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
my liver is dry heaving
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
