what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
