I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
