Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
