I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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