I hate all girls vehemently.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
