So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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