He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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