So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
