True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
