I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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