I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
