I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
