Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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