do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
