Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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