I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
