Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
