Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just google imaged poop.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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