I am in a vortex of obligation.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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