i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
