He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
