are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
