:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
