I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
