Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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