you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
