he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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