I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
