Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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