So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
