Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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