My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
