forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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