Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
