you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
