If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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