party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
BRING THE BAGELS
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
