The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
