I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
