I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
