I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
