Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My dick has a subreddit
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
