I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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