Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
