You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
