Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
