I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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