Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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