Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
