I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
