I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
