it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
