Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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