The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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