if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
