mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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